Write your own Miracle Question

Sometimes we just need a miracle...
A year or so ago, while working away, I was working with a family and wanted to try writing a Miracle Question for a Primary School girl who was feeling excluded and put down by her friends. It made her very sad and she felt very hopeless about the situation.
She felt so hopeless about the situation that she could not even imagine things getting better.
So my co-worker and I decided to "borrow" the miracle question to try and shake that belief, and rattle it lose so there was space for some hope.

I thought this might be a good opportunity to show the bones of how new positive ideas about ourselves are planted.
I'm not trained as a hypnotist or as a Solution Focused therapist, -but I've nicked some of the techniques to help flip people's thinking.

So, here's my recipe:

Ingredients

• Some internal strengths and resources of the individual that even they acknowledge. In this case this little girl had a strong sense of what was fair and a decent way to treat a friend. In a way this made the exclusion and rejection by her friends even more hurtful as it made her feel that she wasn't even worth treating properly and she felt like NOTHING. She was also caring with making food for others and loving her dog. 

• Some external supports, people who loved and valued her and cared how she felt. Well in her family there was no shortage of this, but when she was sad and feeling like nothing the anxiety that it would never get better preoccupied her and she could not be reassured by their love.

• A nice little story to follow that is visually rich and interesting.

• A gentle hypnotic suggestion to help her relax and get into the story.

• Finally I use the format of Erikson's original "Miracle Question", chop it into bits and throw it in with all the rest of the ingredients.

(If there are any purists reading this don't worry, I know this is not right or how it's meant to be used. When therapy is tested it has to be by the book. But often as front line clinicians we have to modify stuff to work with the person in front of us.)

Method

Part I -Help get a bit dreamy and the imagination flowing.

“I am going to ask you a rather strange question [pause]. The strange question is this: [pause] After we talk, you will go back to school and you will do whatever you need to do the rest of today, such as your school work, coming home, having tea and relaxing. It will be time to go to bed. You are very tired tonight and pleased to go to bed. You fall into it and as mum tucks you in you can already feel that sleepy feeling starting. You notice how warm you are, how soft the pillow slip is against your cheek and how your body is sinking into the warm mattress. You give a deep sigh and snuggle the blanket over your shoulder. Everybody in your household is quiet, and you are sleeping in peace."

OK, hopefully we have painted a safe and cosy picture, (I'm tired as I'm writing this and would love to jump into bed right now too).

Part II - Create a sense of wonder and anticipation that is visually interesting.

"While you are sleeping some magic starts to stir. It is a very soft and wise magic that comes from the trees and flowers. They have soaked up the sunshine and mixed it with their scent,  and now the sun is down, they release it as a microscopic golden, glittery mist. Nature has been watching you, noticing how kind you are with your pets and how much you love them, noticing how happy you are when your parents, grandparents and cousins are around. And they have noticed how you love to cook cookies and serve them up, because you have such a generous heart."

Part III -Create a healing story

"This glittering mist starts to waft towards your house, up to your window, through your window, because it is so magic and energized, and now you start to breath it in, as you lie there in your deep sleep. It travels through your lungs, into your circulation, through your bone and even into your cells. Every part of your body lights up in fine golden, glittering light. And as it sweeps over you, it strengthens you, and settles you and finally becomes part of you. You breath even deeper, and maybe grow a little bit taller. The little shy, sad feelings that make you lose your voice, start to melt away, and a calm smiling wonder takes its place. A miracle happens and the problem that you were so sad about is solved, because you have changed!"

Part IV -The next day

"But because this happens while you are sleeping, you have no way of knowing that there was an overnight miracle that solved the problem. [pause] So, when you wake up tomorrow morning, what might be the small change that will make you say to yourself, ‘Wow, something must have happened—the problem is gone!?"

And you can listen to it below!

Epilogue

This particular little girl had a vivid imagination and lapped the question up. 
We explored how good she felt, how she would walk and talk. then we went to the difficult area and asked what she would do when the girls started excluding her and putting her down?
She was able to quietly say that she would go and try to play with other girls because they were not being nice and that wasn't the right way to treat anyone.
Have a Betta Day